Gratitude is another word for being thankful, a feeling that is meant to be natural and spontaneous. I have only to see my mother’s face in my mind’s eye for a warm sensation in my heart to well up. Everyone has experienced this feeling, I’m sure.
It is hard, however, to practice gratitude as a lifelong practice, which is the aim of this article.
In everyone’s life, gratitude is temporary. We feel thankful for this or that experience, for one person but not another, and for various things that feel like a gift. However, we take those same things—our families, friends, a beautiful day, the glories of the natural world—for granted when we aren’t in a grateful mood. There are stressful days at work when the last thought to cross your mind is “I’m thankful for this job,” and how often do we look at someone we love and say, “I’m grateful you are in my life?”
Everyone knows that gratitude is a good thing, but getting there isn’t always easy. How can this be changed?
Trying to be grateful doesn’t work because gratitude is a spontaneous expression. We all say “Thank you” simply as a polite gesture without much feeling behind it, and we all know what it’s like to thank someone while feeling very different inside. Spontaneous gratitude comes from the true self, which lies deeper than the ego personality. When you feel an impulse of sheer, open-hearted gratitude, you are expressing your true self; you are closer to your source.
If you were living from the level of your true self, gratitude would flow as freely as love. This is the secret, and the only secret, of lifelong gratitude.
If you desire it, every glimpse of thankfulness that you have from now on can be a step toward lifelong gratitude. A lovely quote from the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh provides all the motivation anyone needs: “When you are grateful, you are in touch with the wonder of life itself. Gratitude is the essence of happiness.”
Gratitude needs to be nurtured. The true self is blocked from view by old conditioning and beliefs, by ego-based impulses, and by resentments. You cannot feel grateful toward someone you resent, no matter how generously they give something. In this regard, genuine gratitude, like grace, isn’t earned; it isn’t payback because someone has done something you value and want. Paybacks are calculated by the ego, which sees everything in life as a transaction, a give-and-take where the object is to take more than you give.
When it is genuine, gratitude is innocent. Infants as young as six months spontaneously want to help their mothers, and in a child’s love, there is gratitude that doesn’t need to be put into words. Because gratitude is a permanent part of your true self, it goes even beyond a mother-child bond. Feeling grateful simply for being here is the truest gratitude. There is sympathy for the human condition, not just for the humans who are on our side.
The true self isn’t separate from you at this very moment, so how do we begin to notice it and give it value? Here are some suggestions using gratitude as our focus.
1. Begin to show gratitude toward yourself. This isn’t done by saying “thank you.” Instead, sit or lie quietly with your eyes closed. A good time for me is at night before falling asleep. See a warm light in the area of your heart. Breathe into this light and see it expand. Be easy; don’t force. As the glowing warmth expands, sense its blissful quality. Rest easily in the sensation. This is the warmth of the true self. Say to yourself “the real me.” At that moment, you are experiencing yourself with gratitude.
2. When you have just had a warm experience with another person, don’t let it escape immediately. Take a moment alone, close your eyes, and feel the lingering warmth of the experience. You can say “thank you” or not—it isn’t really necessary. Simply recognize that this warmth of the heart is the essence of gratitude.
3. In the same way, learn to nurture gratitude for a beautiful experience. Whether you are listening to music you love or watching a burnished summer sunset, take a moment to close your eyes and focus on the inner feeling you are having. This is the essence of gratitude that is available all the time, and you can notice and value it several times a day.
4. The ultimate goal is to free yourself from needing an outside stimulus. Sitting quietly with eyes closed, breathe easily until you feel relaxed and centered. Now easily let your attention flow through inner space, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. This space feels open, light, quiet, and undisturbed.
What you are perceiving is your own being. There is no need for external or internal triggers of pleasure. You are finding yourself here and now. This space is the source of gratitude. There are no words to describe it, but the experience is real. Once you notice it, being here is enough. Love, gratitude, bliss, and fulfillment rest within each other and merge into pure awareness.
By experiencing these deeper levels of gratitude, you learn to identify true gratitude with yourself. You are on the journey that makes lifelong gratitude a state of being. As Rumi so beautifully says, “Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.”
Namaste,
Deepak